Some 18 months ago, those are the words I heard so clearly. In all honesty I had heard them several times before in my life. But today I am coming to understand that the transformative power of Father's Word had been buried under something other. Well, it least temporarily that is. Father's timing does play into this somehow? Why had it taken so long? Probably for many reasons, but what I am coming to see at the heart of it all, is that reality, (the world that had been pulled over my eyes) kept the truth that sets us free locked up. My dependence on reality, what I could see, stood in the way.
This reality, the world we see, shapes us without us even being aware of it into people that really need evidence. Because we have never ever seen Jesus, we remain paralyzed when it comes to the life of faith. We remain governed by what we see. We can though maintain a belief about God that never transcends religion---a set of personal beliefs that can exists without ever really changing us. We then must learn to work this set of beliefs into the reality we see. We adapt to our surrounding world. In that place, Jesus' life and words remain unintelligible.
I'm coming to understand that a mere belief in Jesus is not a life of faith. Beliefs are connected to and demand certainty. Evidence based on reality. Faith is totally different, Wholly Other. Faith is connected to the One who is certain and true. But this doesn't bring the certainty we have become accustomed to desire and look for, so as to feel safe in the chaotic reality of this world. But the life of faith, the life hidden with Christ in God, will make us secure in the midst of the uncertainty.
Life is only found in the word that proceeds from God's mouth. We become familiar with his voice as we live in a relationship with him. That is the only place peace, joy and security can be found. When Adam and Eve grabbed for what God had not given, it caused a shift in how they lived, and in turn how we live. Before that dreadful choice, they lived by the word God spoke. After that, their eyes were opened and they became overwhelmed by what they saw. Fear and shame now enter and the game changes, drastically.
18 months ago I heard what Father was speaking in a way that began to change everything. What was different from the times I had heard it before? I was worn out. My belief system had failed me. Fear and a good dose of shame and pain had gripped me like it never had before, and the life of certainty I was seeking was revealed to be the illusion that it had always been. I had nowhere else to run but into the one whose words are true. Reality, the world that had been pulled over my eyes began to lose it's grip on me. This freedom feels really good. Wrung out like a rag to say the least, more aware of the uncertainty, trusting Father more than ever, and exhilaratingly alive.
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